I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize