My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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