Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
