I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
