when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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