Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
