I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
