if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
