I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
