Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
