Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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