i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
