dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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