I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
