I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
