her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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