Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
