Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
