I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize