my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
