I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
