there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
