you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
