it's like iHOP with fire
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
