i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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