I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
