my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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