Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
