i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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