His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
