We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
