if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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