idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
