he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
