The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
