btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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