nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
