yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
