my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
