nut hugger
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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