I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
