My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
