I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
