ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
