Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
