you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
