Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
