You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
