I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
