i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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