I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
