Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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