So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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