did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So much rum. So many feels.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
