Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
