She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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