Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
