her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Such a big mess for such a small penis
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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