hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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