upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
