OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
