ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
