I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
