She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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