Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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