im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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