I love black thongs
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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