I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
