It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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