I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
