I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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