She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
