I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
