drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
