You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize