He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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