I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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