Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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