i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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